1. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”

– Rodney Dangerfield. 

2. “Ah, yes, divorce… from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – Robin Williams. 

3. “A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing.”

– Duane Dewel. 

4. “When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few stepsahead is the one that’s mad.” – Helen Rowland 

5. “I have never really understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already well catered for in any respectable domestic establishment.” – Alan Bennett 

6. “Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.”

– Jackie Mason 

7. “Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.”

– Leonardo Di Vinci. 

8. “I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.”

– Lewis Grizzard. 

9. “I’m the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.”

– Mickey Rooney. 

10. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”

– Rodney Dangerfield.